The Wenlock Arms Football Team, sponsored by

(Stripes) - Back Row (L-R): Tony (Chief Scout), Shane, Karl, Adam, Dave, David, Charlie, Peter (Manager)
Front Row (L-R): Jason (Captain), Ricky, Tom, John, Danny

Wenlock V's Slow Coaches Sunday 19th March Match Report by Kim Anthony

The Team: Paul Gallagher in goal, Dave Bentley right back, Dave Beadle, Ross Till centre backs, Simon Speed right back, Danny Sweeny, Jason Youngs, Danny Boyce, Shane Webb, midfield and John Bridge and Mark (Saffer) up front.

Ok game kicks off and within a minute John Bridge has a shot at goal and Wenlock get a corner, but nothing comes of it, ball goes back into play and Slow Coaches get a throw in, it kicked out and Wenlock get a throw in, the games going well so far, (we've only been playing for 3 minutes) Slow Coaches have a shot at goal and Paul (Gazza) catches it.

Wenlock get another throw in and the ball is back in play, the Referee comes running over to us all and asks us to move back away from the line (he's so fussy we've never been asked that before) but we oblige anyway, another throw in to the Wenlock, We are defending so well, Wow Dave Bentley (not the real one) is sticking to his player like glue, Ross Till as usual is Captain and keeps the team going, and Dave Beadle (007) is just always there when he's needed, and Simon Speed (Speedy) is doing his bit.

Danny Sweeny (Ribs) has just got another insight when he plays, Ooh Slow Coaches have a shot at goal and thankfully it goes over the bar and Wenlock get a corner, but as usual nothing comes of it. Tom Rowlett wants to be our first dyslexic cheerleader, we've been playing for 15 minutes and we're still holding our own. Tony Earl (Biz) has been buying a top up of magic sprays and luckily so far no one has needed any, Tony turns up and within a minute the ref is running over again and asking him to move off the line, which he does. Oh Bummox Slow Coaches get their 1st goal in the 19th minute, they have another shot and the ball goes over the bar and lands in the road that runs by the South Marsh, its hit by a car and goes into the undergrowth on the other side, so whilst the ball is being looked for we use another ball.

Shane Webb (Gloves) is having a good game today, (not that anyone else isn't), oh good save from Paul (Gazza), Slow Coaches get a penalty (undeservedly) and score their 2nd in the 24th minute, true to form Ross needs some magic spray as he was injured during the tackle that caused the penalty, oh my giddy aunt Slow Coaches have missed an open goal as the ball glides past the post, oh yes oh yes we get our 1st goal in the 31st minute a great goal from Jason Youngs (Youngsy), Ooh we nearly get our 2nd as Mark (Saffer) heads for goal, but Slow Coaches get the ball and give us a corner, but nothing comes of it, Ooh another great save from Paul (Gazza) but the ball bounces off his hands and Ross has to kick it away.

Slow Coaches have another attempt at goal and we give them their 1st corner, the ball comes across and one of their players kick it and it glides past the post and we get a goal kick, Bloody hell Slow Coaches are on us again but Shane gets it away, once again Paul (Gazza) saves a blinder, one of the Slow Coach players goes down, but he gets up and he is okay, bloody Nora now there's some of their players offside but the ref doesn't give it and Slow Coaches get their 3rd in the 39th minute, Oh Bummox they also get their 4th in the 44th minute, all of a sudden the whistle blows and its half time.

2nd half begins and Alan Goff (Crouchy) goes on for Ross and Tom (Plastic speedy) goes on for Shane, the game continues in much the same way as the first half except our defending has improved, Paul (Gazza) has saved some really difficult shots today and he was so reluctant to go in goal as well, I'd like to see him play when he does want to go in goal. I still think the Wenlock should have at least drawn against Slow Coaches but alas, the whistle blows and we lose 4 – 1

Well-done Wenlock

Well-done Slow Coaches

Sunday 9th April Midfield V's The Wenlock Arms Referee: Igor Match Report by Kim Anthony

The Team: Jason Youngs (Youngsy) in goal, Alan Goff (Crouchy) right back, Ross Till (not nick name yet) and Paul Gallagher (Gazza) centre backs and Ricky McClean (The Giant Midget) left back (no, not left back in the dressing room). In midfield we have: Shane Webb (Gloves), Rob Bennett (FA Cup), Simon Speed (Speedy) and Danny Boyce (Marlene) and up front is John Bridge (Northern Whinger) and Mark Kruger (Freddie)

The game kicks off and Midfield win the toss and head straight for our goal but we intercept, midfield get a free kick in their own half but Shane (Gloves) gets the ball and passes it to Mark (Freddie) who dribbles it to Simon (Speedy), who oh bums he kicks it out and midfield get a goal kick, oh bummox we're only 2 minutes in and Midfield score their 1st goal, the ref didn't see the hand ball, but hey that's footy for ya.

This game is so fast and furious today and the Wenlock are really up for it, Ooh Jason (Youngsy) saves a great ball, goal kick, Ricky (the Giant Midget) starts chasing after a Midfield player and gives them a throw in (what speed what pace) reminds me of a cartoon, the ball comes in to John (Northern Whinger) to Danny (Marlene) to Mark (Freddie) who passes it to Shane (Gloves) back to Mark (Freddie), a Midfield player gets it and Ross (no nick name) takes it off him and boots it out, Midfield get a throw in, the ball comes in and Ross (no nick name) gets it and boots down the field towards goal but their goalie kicks it out, throw in to Wenlock, Jason (Youngsy) comes out of goal and kicks the ball away and Midfield get a throw in, ball comes in and Midfield get another throw in, then Ricky (the Giant Midget) kicks it out and Midfield get yet another throw in, change in play and Midfield get a free kick, which heads towards our goal but Jason (Youngsy) gets it, great defending from Ross (no nick name), Ooh hang on a minute Danny (Marlene) gets the ball and runs like the wind but Midfield get the ball away from him and head back towards our gaol and manage to kick it out.

Ooh we should have scored there, ball comes back towards our gaol and Midfield have a shot at goal but the ball goes wide and Wenlock get the goal kick, Oops Simon (Speedy) gets a yellow card for fouling a Midfield player, another throw in to Midfield followed by another, slight change again and Wenlock get a corner, the ball comes in but their goalie gets to it, we are actually playing intelligent football, throw in to Wenlock, Ouch Simon (Speedy) collides with a Midfield player and Tony (Biz) runs on with the magic spray, Oh Bummox Midfield score their 2nd goal in 20 minutes.

We are creating some great chances but that's all they seem to be, Ooh Midfield almost score again but the ball glides past the post and Wenlock get a goal kick, phew Midfield are given off side as they score again, so they are still only winning 2 - 0 Wenlock get, yes you've guessed another throw in but nothing comes of it and Midfield get a goal kick, the game carries on, well you can see why Midfield are top of the league, although we are playing great footy today.

Corner to Midfield, and we get it away and give them a throw in, ball comes in but they kick it out and it's a goal kick to the Wenlock, now it's a free kick to the Wenlock followed by a free kick to Midfield, Ooh Midfield have another shot at goal but the ball goes over the bar. Jason (Youngsy) makes a real booby and Midfield get their 3rd goal in the 30th minute, (why oh why did he not just pick the ball up), Midfield get another throw in and I don't believe it Ross (no nick name) comes from the back and takes the ball so far, he's supposed to be a defender not a striker, Aaaarrrggghhh Midfield get their blooming 4th goal in the 32nd minute.

We started so well and now it seems we've gone to pieces, we really need a miracle (but Thierry Henry don't play for us), True to form Ross (no nick name) is injured and his knee needs bandaging (thankfully he'll live), oh my god how on earth did we miss that goal? Wenlock get a throw in and as usual nothing comes of it (we desperately need to practice corners) Midfield goal kick, throw in to the Wenlock another throw in to the Wenlock, (yawn) throw in to Midfield, goal kick to Wenlock, Ooh Midfield hit the side netting, corner to midfield and Sh*t Midfield get their 5th goal in the 45th minute, at last first half is over as the whistle blows for half time.

2nd half begins and Mark Kruger (Freddie) goes in goal for Jason (Youngsy), Ross Till comes off and Tony Earl (Biz) goes on, Straight away Midfield head towards our goal, a one on one and Mark (Freddie) saves the ball from going in the net, (perhaps he should have started there) free kick to Midfield and they shoot, phew straight over the bar, free kick to the Wenlock just outside the box John (the Northern Whinger) takes it and bloody hell the ball plops straight into the goalies hands, Ooh theirs a change for the books Ricky (the giant midget) is rowing with the ref because he gave a free kick for a hand ball, the ball comes in and oooh it just goes past the post, throw in to the Wenlock, offside to Midfield, which Mark (Freddie) takes the ball goes up the field and we give Midfield another throw in, another free kick to the Wenlock, Midfield get the ball and Paul (Gazza) takes it away, great save from Mark (Freddie) , and again and again.

John (Get shorty) goes on for Allan (Crouchy) in the 57th minute and wow all of a sudden the game has come alive again (unless that was the 5 minutes rest they had at half time) Midfield shoot over the bar again, and Ooh we should have scored then, this game is great to watch now as Mark (Freddie) saves another blinder, Midfield get a corner, the ball comes in, we get it out and they attempt to score but the ball goes wide, throw in to Wenlock, throw in to Midfield, throw in to Wenlock, Ouch a Midfield player goes down so we kick the ball out so he can be attended to, they throw the ball back to us, I like good sportsmen, that's what the game should be about. Mark (Freddie) is fantastic in goal and we are defending so much better this half, Ooh that was close as the ball skims across the face of the goal, Midfield get a free kick on the edge of the box and oh yes Mark Kruger gets it (go Freddie go Freddie) oh Sh*t Midfield get their 6th goal in the 82nd minute.

We start to attack back and get a throw in, Midfield get a goal kick, Midfield run almost the length of the pitch and cross the ball for a goal but Mark (Freddie) gets it, what a fantastic save from our goalie, there's about 2 minutes to go and I can't believe how much better we played this half, oh my god how on earth did Midfield miss that, goal kick to Wenlock, whistle blows for full time and we lose 6 – 0

Well-done Wenlock

Well-done Midfield

Sunday 16th April 2006 The Wenlock Arms V's The Wellington Referee: P. Harris Match Report by Kim Anthony

Before the game has even begun Tony (Biz) came up to me and said he's seen The Wellington in the changing rooms and he's already seen Thierry Henry and Patrick Vierra,

Okay the game kicks off as Wellington win the toss, straight away Wenlock win a free kick just outside the box which Jason (Youngsy) takes, but the goalie gets the ball, The Wellington attack straight away and Wenlock concede a corner, at least it wasn't a goal. The ball comes in and Alan (Crouchy) headers it our, (yes Alan) The Wellington get another corner, the ball comes in and phew nothing comes of it, goal kick, which is booted up the pitch and there's a bit of a fight for the ball as Wenlock get a throw in which Shane takes.

Wellington get a throw in followed straight away by another. This game has started so fast and furious it's exciting and pleasurable to watch, Ooh Dave saves the ball and throws it out and Wenlock get a free kick. The ball is up and down the pitch like a blooming Yo-Yo, The Wellington get another corner the ball comes in and Bummox they score their 1st goal in the 8th Minute, Ooh yes we are straight on the attack and we have a go at goal but to no avail and Wellington get a goal kick, Dave makes a superb save by punching the ball out but oh Sh*t number 2 goes in in the 11th minute. The game carries on and The Wenlock get their 1st corner and Danny (Marlene) takes it, the ball comes in to John (Northern Whingers) head then to Shanes (Gloves) foot but nothing comes of it, oh damn and blast the Wellington get their 3rd goal in the 13th minute.

The Wenlock win a free kick which Shane (Gloves) takes just before the halfway line and bloody hell it nearly goes in, another free kick to the Wenlock and the game carries on, ooh well done Dave (another save) John Brannigan is having a blinding game, The Wenlock get another corner which Mark (Freddie) takes, the ball comes in Dave (007) heads the ball it comes out to Tony (Biz) who has a shot but it goes over the bar (way over the bar). The Wellington get a free kick, Dave (007) gets the ball and Wenlock get a goal kick, now a throw in to the Wenlock followed by a free kick to the Wenlock which John (Northern whinger) takes and curls it into the goal just nicely and the Wenlock have their 1st goal in the 19th minute.

The Wellington attack again but Dave (007) gets the ball and the Wellington get a throw in, followed by a free kick to the Wenlock which Jason (Youngsy) takes it but nothing comes of it, the Wellington start heading towards our goal and Oh my god Shane saves the day as he stops the Wellington scoring and gives them a corner, the ball comes in and goes over the bar and we get a goal kick, followed shortly afterwards by a throw in. The Wellington try and attack again and the ball once again goes over the bar, the Wenlock get another throw in followed by the Wellington getting a throw in, and then they get a corner.

Simon (Speedy) is hurt and needs some magic spray but it doesn't work and he has to come off 26 minutes into the game and Adam (Ballerina) as the Wellington get a corner, the ball comes in and Jason (Youngsy) headers it away, Danny (Marlene) gets the ball passed to him from John Brannigan, the Wellington tackle and get the ball, we get a throw in, the ball goes over the bar and it's a goal kick, Ooh another great save from Dave, the Wellington get yet another free kick and blimey another throw in to the Wenlock, John (The Northern Whinger) has a shot but Ooh unlucky, goal kick, Shane (Gloves) wins us a free kick and the game carries on. Throw in to the Wellington and they score their 4th goal in the 31st minute, John (the Northern whinger) wins a free kick, which Jason (Youngsy) takes it, the ball comes in and damn the goalie gets it.

We continue, John Brannigan crosses the ball to Johns (the Northern whingers) head as he aims towards the goal but bummox the goalie punches it out it comes out to John (the northern whinger) again and he shoots but alas the goalie gets it again, and the game carries on, Oh what a lovely save from Dave, The Wenlock are really up for this, we seem to be on fire, Oh yes oh yes we get our first goal in the 34th minute, I know the goals don't reflect the great game the boys are playing but if you were watching the game you would see for yourself, blimey I got so excited I don't even know who scored the goal but I think it was John ( the Northern whinger) the Wenlock get another throw in which Adam (Ballerina) takes the ball comes in and Oops the Wellington get it Ooh what a lovely save from Dave and another, the Wenlock get another free kick, its booted to John (the Northern Whinger) who is out on his own but the Wellington manage to get the ball off him, but they give us another free kick and the game carries on.

Dave is just getting better and better as the game goes on as he saves yet another ball, another free kick to the Wenlock which Jason (Youngsy) takes it, it comes off Johns (the Northern whingers) head and the Wellington get the ball and bummox its another goal in the 41st minute Wellington are leading 5 – 1, Phew Dave just tips the ball over the bar in the 43rd minute and saves yet another goal. Whistle blows its half time.

Second half starts and the Wenlock kick off, ooh John (the Northern Whinger) has a shot at goal in 46th minute but the ball goes over the bar, the game carries on, Wellington get a throw in up our end of the pitch as they go for goal but Dave once again gets the ball, the Wenlock get a throw in as we head towards their goal John (the Northern Whinger) has a shot at goal but he should have passed the ball to Shane instead of having a go himself and nothing comes of it, the Wellington are on the attack yet again yet another throw in to the Wellingon and they are still on the attack, but the ball goes out and we get a goal kick, the balls in our half a bit to much for my liking as the Wellington score their 6th goal in the 59th minute.

The Wenlock are still up for this game though even though they know they wont win it, another throw in to the Wenlock and Danny (Marlene) takes it but nothing comes of it, the Wellington get another corner, the ball comes in and nothing (thankfully) comes of it, goal kick, throw in to the Wellington and another, again they have a shot on goal but the ball goes over the bar, blimey the Wellington are attacking again and Dave saves the ball on the line and gives them a corner, the ball comes in we aim it out and Danny (Marlene) gets the ball, another throw in to the Wellington Ooh Bummox bummox bummox the Wellington get their 7th goal in the 68th minute and almost straight away Dave saves us from them scoring their 8th the Wellington are winning 7 – 1 as they attack again but luckily the ball goes wide, then in the 77th minutes they score their 8th and 9th a minute later. All of our players have played their socks off today and it will be difficult picking man of the match, free kick to the Wellington and they have another shot at goal but the ball goes over the bar and Wenlock have a goal kick, (at least the boys are still trying) Ooh another save from Dave, another throw in to the Wenlock and John (the Northern Whinger) gets the ball and boots it straight out of play as he miss kicks it. Again Dave saves a cracking ball, but the Wellington attack again and Phew we get a throw in, Jason (Youngsy) takes it and we get another throw in on the other side of the pitch.

We get another chance to score but the goalie gets the ball, another throw in to the Wellington and Jason (Youngsy) headers it out, the ball comes back in and Dave gets the ball and game carries on, Oh my god I don't believe it in the 44th minute John (the northern Whinger) scores our 2nd goal, the whistle blows its full time and the Wellington Win 9 – 2

WELL DONE WENLOCK

WELL DONE WELLINGTON

Sunday 23rd April East London V's The Wenlock Referee: N. Spyrou Match Report by Kim Anthony

Game kicks off and East London win the toss, I don't believe it we've only been playing 2 minutes and East London get their first throw in and 30 seconds later get their second giving us a goal kick. East London have a dig but the ball goes over the bar, Ooh I say the Wenlock head towards East London's goal but nothing comes of it, then Jason (Youngsy) has a shot at goal but it plops straight into the goalies hands, East London attack again but Chris (drummer) gets the ball and the game carries on.

East London get another throw in, and another and bloody hell their 1st corner, the ball comes in and Chris (drummer) saves the ball but gives East London their second corner and again nothing comes, goal kick followed by a throw in to the Wenlock, now it's a free kick to East London followed by another throw in for the Wenlock, East London are now on the attack again but the Wenlock manage to get the ball and then they get it back and we give them a free kick Oh my what a great save from Chris (drummer) the game carries on.

Oh Bummox we're 12 minutes in and East London score their 1st goal, East London now get a free kick and are on the attack but Shane chases a player and wins us a free kick, followed by another free kick and throw in and yet another throw in. I think the Wenlock are trying too hard as East London get a throw in, Ooh that's different we're offside and East London get a free kick, we get the ball and have a shot at goal but hey ho! Nothing comes of it as the ball goes over the bar, Wenlock get yet another free kick just outside the box and John (Northern Whinger) takes it and kick it completely skew whiff and East London get the goal kick. Then they get a throw in followed by a free kick and Oh yes Chris (drummer) saves the ball.

Its great to see a referee who knows the rules, wow another great save from Chris. Game continues, and East London get another throw in and Chris gets the ball again, goal kick, John (Northern Whinger) has a shot at open goal and Bummox it goes over the bar again. Wenlock get a throw in followed by yet another and East London get a throw in followed by yet another, Ooh great save from Chris (drummer) Whistle blows its half time.

Second half and Wenlock to kick off who straight away get (Yes you've guessed it) a throw in followed by a throw in for East London, Shane (Gloves) has a shot at goal but the goalie gets it and East London are on the attack again Tom (Chippy) defends well and gives East London a corner but nothing comes of it, Corner to Wenlock, the ball comes in and oh bums it goes over the bar, there's another throw in to the Wenlock which Rob (FA Cup) gets the ball, he shoots and oh yes he scores his 1st goal ever and we're now drawing 54 minutes into the game but sh*t East London reply in the 55th minute and score their 2nd, Shane (Gloves) ,has another attempt at goal but goalie gets it..

The Wenlock get a corner, and I must admit we are playing much better this half, blimey another great attempt from Shane (Gloves), now he has another go he gets to the back line crosses the ball but alas it hits the side netting, bloody hell I think Shane (Gloves) is on mission as again he attacks but the goalie punches it out and the Wenlock get a corner the ball comes in and then out and Wenlock get a throw in, the ball goes to Shane and he crosses the ball to John (Northern Whinger) who scores in the 65th minute, so far its 2 all, what great football, The Wenlock get another throw in which Danny (Ribs) takes close to the corner, East London get a corner, the ball comes in and East London get a free kick and they boot it over the bar.

East London get another throw in and Ooh great save from Chris (drummer). East London attack us again and phew hit the bar, blimey we are so so lucky, goal kick to the Wenlock, The Wenlock win a corner, the ball comes in, its defended and we get another corner but nothing comes of it and the game continues, East London are again on the attack they shoot and Chris (drummer) dives towards the ball and gets to it first. East London now get another throw in followed by a throw in for the Wenlock and another on the opposite side of the pitch, East London get another throw in followed by a free kick and oh no no no East London get their 3rd goal in the 76th minute, Ooh Wenlock get a free kick and we win a corner which Paul (Gazza) takes it but nothing.

Throw in to East London then to Wenlock, and another, Ooh the ball skims past the front of the goal, yet another throw in for the Wenlock, East London are on the attack and ball goes just wide of the goal, there's only a few minutes left and the Wenlock try to get their act together fast, East London get another corner, but nothing comes of it, there's about a minute left and we need a miracle, we don't get it as the whistle blows and the game is over for another week

3 - 2 East London

WELL DONE WENLOCK WELL DONE EAST LONDON

Kim Anthony

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